Even if there were a chance to change my life, I would ignore it. Now, I am at the point when I clearly understand that everything has a reason. Moreover, everything that happened with me, no matter pleasant or not, I perceive as a lesson. I am grateful to those people whom I met. All my experience is a part of me.
Now, I lead a life of an average white middle class female. Until the age of eight, I happily lived with my parents; we spent time together, sometimes traveled a little bit. However, I cannot say that everything was fine. Once, I woke up in the morning and understood that there was no “us” anymore.
For me, a little girl, it was important to be a part of something big. In this case, family was the most important thing for me. Of course, I had friends and classmates, but the family was the only thing I identified myself with being a part of the society. After my parents got divorced, I stayed with my mother; the farther emerged in my life only on weekends. We often moved to new places that helped my mom to hide her pain. I changed places as mittens and tried to find a place of my own like my mother.
The time passed by. When I was twenty, in one of the clubs, I met Warren. He was from Britain. That night, we spent around two hours in the conversation. That was the beginning of our romantic relationships, and less than in two months, I packed my bags and moved to England. Later, we got married; however, I cannot say that we lived happily ever after.
In terms of the culture, Britain is totally opposite to the USA. I felt not in my plate as everything was new for me starting from the language. The way people think, act, behave, and treat each other was often not clear. Nevertheless, I tried to stay positive. I had a job, but it did not help to make my living in Britain colorful and bright. With Warren, we tried to make our marriage work; however, nothing helped. After two and a half years, we decided to split up and have a chance to live the lives we wanted, but separately. Smashed and lost, I returned to the USA.
From the perspective of the years, I can suggest that in the relationships I had, I inherited a model of behavior from my parents. The way I acted was quite similar to that I saw being a child. In my desire to run away, I forgot that no matter where I go, I would always take my self with me. With time and new experiences, I developed stronger personality and some useful psychological skills (Cherry, 2005). According to Ericson, people need to experience the conflict, which often becomes the turning point (Ibid). The first stage in the development of personality is Trust vs. Mistrust. According to Ericson, it is one of the fundamental periods in life of every person experienced during the first year of living. In case the attempts of developing trust fail, the person will experience fear.
The last five years were the years of challenges and discoveries for me. I understood that the kind of a person I am now is the result of the previous decisions and choices. In the society of superstitions, I probably should be successful in everything that I start. However, we are the part of the society and, according to its laws, everyone plays his/her role. William Shakespeare mentioned this in the 16th century. For some people, you are a good friend; the others see only enemy in you. The only person ready to worship you for your being is mother; her love is unconditional.
I cannot say that religion is a huge part of my life. In my opinion, there is a difference between belief and religion. Nevertheless, my parents and their generation were brought up with the beliefs of the recent times. Religion has few main functions that can be called 5T: transmission, translation, transaction, transformation, and transcendence (Campbell, 2010). Usually, people are lost in terms of religion and try to find substitution of it. Modern culture suggests a wide range of them. There is an opportunity to choose, but often, there is no opportunity to reject. Culture is a complex of beliefs and peculiarities of behavior of the ethnicity or a race (Zion & Kozleski, 2005). Often, our culture causes misunderstanding, which was probably the main reason why we broke up with Warren. We were different and similar at the same time. Instead of concentrating on what we had, we were looking for something that was missing. For me, it was important to identify myself and learn to fight with confusion.
After being misled, I tried to understand what I like and who I am. The answer to these two questions helped me to start my life from the new chapter and to find strength to develop and learn. I started working at Texas Department of Criminal Justice. I cannot say that my work is easy, but I really like it. My main job is held inside the prison. I work with inmates and try to help them to arrange their life before getting out. I know that often, it is a shock for people to start everything over again. Although I do not assume that I killed all my fears, I hope that my experience will help others to overcome their fears.
Everyone around me appears in my life on time. In this situation, it is only my decision to get the message or stay aside. This is a psychological rule. If the person’s development is under stagnation and despair, it is quite hard to turn to the starting point and find strength.
The same can be said about my studying. This is a chance for me to understand my individual differences and learn my inner self. Only after this, I can help others.